Well here it is from a young age I have always been the
heavy kid. I somehow always knew that food was going to be a problem, that
being like my brother who ate everything was what I did but it didn’t have the
same effect on me that it did on him. When I was 17 years old I was 280lbs
which at that point was my highest ever weight and remained my highest weight
until I was 26 years old.
Left is me at my heaviest in high school, and right me me at my lightest right before I graduated High school.
Before I graduated from High school I lost 100lbs, it wasn’t
in the healthiest of ways. I looked at food differently like it was my worst enemy
and I didn’t eat nearly enough. I was in the weight room for hours at a time,
and looking back that was the strongest I have ever been in my life… But I wasn’t
healthy in the process. I was obsessed with the number on the scale going down.
From going to structure fires, to ambulance calls, car accidents.. Class and being a "normal" 18 year old kid
Oh plus being in the closet as a lesbian for most of that year. Some people knew but most didn't or at least it was never said out lout.
My Junior year of college one of my friends asked me if I
wanted to do this workout called Insanity. I said I would do it with her. After
about a week she bailed. I kept going. Insanity is a Shawn T – Beachbody work
out and I loved and hated every minute of it.
Yup that's Shawn T and I let him kick my butt and yell at me through the TV screen every single day for two months.
Some of my friends were noticing
that my body was changing and the way my clothes fit changed. I can remember
one of my good friends commenting and asking me how much weight I had lost. It
was very little but my body had changed so much. Then again I kicked into way
to high gear.. Swimming every day as well as insanity and sometimes going to
the gym too. My balance was off.
Of course I didn’t realize it then.
Fast forward to Graduating from College, I weighted in around 225lbs, my goal was to get back down to the same weight that I graduated high school 180lbs. But it wasn't meant to be. I was accepted and went straight to graduate school from undergrad.
I yo-yoed a lot during this time period of my life from 280 my jr year of high school to 180 my senior year of high school to 260 in college back to 210 at one point in graduate school.. That's a lot of movement on the scale.
This picture on the right is me at my lightest in Graduate school around 210. I still own that shirt and hope to fit into it again one day.
I realized in myself that 215 I felt comfortable with my body, I remember looking back at a picture of myself when I was 180lbs going.. damn I was never that small. Body dysmorphia much? I think so.
Fast forwards a few more years...
I've been through a lot in life, that probably contribute to my weight, from being a lesbian that was not overly accepted at first to the amount of tragedy and loss that I have dealt with, to the amount of change in my life that has come and gone. I have dealt with a lot. Maybe someday I'll write all of that lovely stuff in a blog post but until then...
This blog will be my journey, I will post at least every week sharing with you the in's and outs of what I am going through. From thoughts of weight loss surgery, to working my butt off (legitimately) at the gym or with insanity or t25 (similar to insanity, still Shawn T)
We will see where this journey takes us! If you have any requests for blog posts feel free to email me at jlpm0822@gmail.com, or comment below!